SLAMS INTROVERTS!
and Rhonda Owen responds ...
RHONDA OWEN IS THE FAMILY EDITOR OF THE ARKANSAS DEMOCRAT GAZETTE (LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS). OWEN IS AN INTROVERT.
Here's an excerpt from Always Talk to Strangers called "the introvert myth".
THE INTROVERT MYTH
"Introverted people develop shyness from an early age — it's every bit as much of their personality to keep to themselves as it is for an extrovert to be the life of the party. Introverts are nonaggressive in most areas of their lives, not just when it comes to dating.
"Unfortunately, most introverts, because of their shyness, become wallflowers. In the world of dating, this translates into their taking what they can get. Rarely, if ever, would an introvert see someone they were interested in and approach that person. Instead, they stand around like magnets, hoping that someone will be attracted to them and make the first move. They're condemned to a self-imposed prison where they wait around and simply hope they get a great cellmate.
"Being introverted is a crutch that timid people rely on to stay within their safety zones. "I can't approach people. I'm too shy," they say. It's a myth that introverts can't be more proactive in their quest to find dates or love.
"To introverts, the very thought of approaching a new person is anxiety provoking. What introverts don't realize is that it doesn't have to be that way. Just because you've had problems meeting people in the past doesn't mean you won't have new opportunities. One of the reasons you may feel so much anxiety is that no one taught you how to approach people in a creative, nonaggressive way.
"As I teach later in this book, just by learning how to nonchalantly start a conversation with another person of the opposite sex, you will feel more comfortable. Introverts especially should read the chapter titled The Indirect Approach. Also, there are great techniques I've developed for introverts, such as Boot Camp Internet Dating, which will also help to overcome their anxiety. Shyness is no longer an excuse to passively wait around!
"Don't buy into the myths that say that love will fall into your lap, that there's only one person out there for you, that men should always make the first move, or that you're too shy to meet anyone. Instead, rid your mind of them, and if they start to creep back, keep pushing them down. Why be a passive waiter and condemn yourself to a life of missed opportunities? You do the selecting. Love will happen when you least expect it, but don't expect love to just happen. Give it a push."
DOES THIS MAN EVEN HAVE A CLUE WHAT AN INTROVERT IS? HERE IS RHONDA OWEN'S REPLY.
SHAME ON HIM
Wygant writes about the "introvert myth," the myth being that introverts can't make dating contacts because they are shy, passive people who sit around waiting for life and people to come to them. He's right, but also very wrong. A myth does exist — but he's the one perpetuating it! The myth lies in his assertion that introverts are passive, shy, nonaggressive "wallflowers" who make no effort to meet and interact with other people. He obviously made no effort to find out the facts about the introverted personality before passing judgment.
This line makes me want to dip snuff: "Being introverted is a crutch that timid people rely on to stay within their safety zones."
I feel like I've been slapped. And I want to slap back. The fact is that introverts leave their safety zones every day. We have to. Every day, we put ourselves out there, live by the extroverts' rules of relating to people and exhaust ourselves getting along in their world.
"To introverts, the very thought of approaching another person is anxiety provoking," Wygant writes. Well, yes, it is, but he makes it sound as if we slink about and cower in corners. We push through the anxiety and we do approach people. I talk to people I don't know in the grocery line, at public events, at work, in restaurants ... etc. My job is such that I must make new contacts all the time, so if I didn't approach people, I wouldn't be able to do my work.
Wygant's words are shaming. He uses shame to bully introverts into being more aggressive about meeting people. He blames us and tries to make us feel ashamed when he says that we've condemned ourselves to a "self-imposed prison" where we wait around for "a great cellmate."
In his attempt to address the "introvert myth," he insults and degrades introverts.
Shame on him.
